Ways to manage Wedding anxiety
There are infinite causes of wedding anxiety, no matter how big or small the plans. Whether you are regular sufferer of the anxious mosquito or usually pretty chill, the pressure and idea that ‘all eyes are on you’ can be super overwhelming. I’ve seen my fair share of nerves over the years and have noticed the biggest causes of anxiety on weddings are doing things that you don’t actually want to do. So even though there’s nine more practical tips ahead the number one piece of advice I can give is make sure you are ONLY doing things that make you feel good on your wedding day. You don’t have to do a first dance if it makes you feel sick. You don’t have to ask your Dad to do a speech if you’re worried about what he’ll say. You don’t have to spend the night before apart if it your lifeline is your partner. Screw tradition and embrace feeling bloody great.
Nine tips on how managing wedding anxiety:
start your day with a sea-swim
Yes I am that girl who lives in a beach town and swims in the sea all year round, and I’m proud! It’s my favourite thing - getting up early to meet my clients and whoever they’ve managed to rope into hauling down the beach for an early morning dip in the sea before the wedding shenanigans kick off. Whether or not you’re a regular swimmer, the affects a cold water dip have on your nervous system are so wonderful and will leave you feeling amazing. Aren’t near a body of water on your wedding day? Take a yoga class. Going for a run. Do whatever it is that grounds you. Check out our most recent blog of Zoe and Griffin’s festival wedding that started with a 7am plunge in the Suffolk coast for inspo.
get ready together
A huge source of anxiety can be the idea of being apart on your wedding morning. There is absolutely nothing stopping you from getting ready together! I’ve had clients that haven’t been fussed about not seeing each others outfits and have fully got ready together, and ones that have stayed together right up until the last moment and maintained that little level of surprise. You can be in the same hotel room, at home, or
Read your vows in private
Lots of my couples in recent years have opted to read their own personal vows in private and I know how much this has affected their wedding anxiety. Hannah and Ben had a cuppa on the grounds of their venue and read private vows and exchanged gifts before heading to get ready for their celebrant ceremony separately. Paige and Emily took a walk through the vineyard before dinner whilst their guests had sunset portraits with my second shooter. Nikki and Andrew headed down to the garden of Pelham House post-ceremony for photos and a private vow exchange before greeting everyone else. However you do it, it’s always magical and a big old anxiety-reliever.
manage wedding anxiety through a first look
A common way my couples manage their wedding anxiety is by having a ‘first look’ before the ceremony. It’s something I highly encourage - not just because it puts to bed so many nerves about seeing each other for the first time with dozens of eyes on you. A first look can be a small moment, having gotten ready together but doing the final touches behind closed doors, or it can be more extravagant. Nat and Abi had their first look in the grounds of the Italian Gardens a couple of hours before their ceremony to give us time to have a stroll and get all their couples photos out the way so they could spend the rest of the day with their guests. Sometimes you just need to see your person.
Be mindful of who you get ready with
Who you are around in that precious bit of time before it all kicks off is such an important way to get in a calm headspace for the events ahead. Too many times I’ve seen people who were otherwise pretty chill surround themselves with way too many voices and the anxieties of others. It can be parents getting worked up about the weather, bridesmaids who hate their hair and make up, groomsmen who’ve lost their trousers - we’ve seen it all! You might thrive in a huge group or it might be your idea of hell. If it’s the latter, minimise that anxiety by keeping it small and safe. You might piss some people off, but your wellbeing is what is most important here.
take lots of breaks
There is a power that comes from harnessing a camera at a wedding and one of the benefits is I have the ability to whisk you away if you need some time alone. I remember noticing Laura and Tom looking a little overwhelmed during their cocktail hour having not yet had any time alone, so I suggested we take a walk away from the crowd and left them chilling on the bench as the sun set (after snapping a few beautiful pics of course). Scheduling in breaks as often as you need them if so beneficial for keeping the anxiety at bay. Han and Rob gave themselves a couple of hours both after the ceremony and again after dinner for them and their guests to check into hotels, get changed, go for a walk and chill in their own ways. We popped to the pub for a Jaegerbomb - ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Hate a ‘late’ ceremony
The most common ceremony start times in the UK tend to be 12-2pm. Depending on how many people are getting ready with you, how much travelling you have to do and what your timeline looks like this can often make the morning feel super stressful. A lovely way to manage that anxiety is by having a later ceremony start time. If the spring and summer we have daylight right up until 8/9pm so there is less of a rush to get everything done before the sunsets. Some of my clients opt to have a smaller gathering with family and I Do Crews before the ceremony, to get all those hellos and photos out of the way before a 4 or 5pm ceremony. I’ve had clients get married at 5pm in the winter and have met beforehand to grab the last bit of daylight together before their candle-lit ceremony. If the idea of a 6am start is filling you with dread, then a later ceremony might be a great way to feel less anxious about the day.
cut the bits you feel most anxious about
This one really should go without saying, but alas it needs to be said: IF IT IS FILLING YOU WITH ANXIETY, DON’T DO IT! I’ve seen people spend the majority of their day in a state of dread becuase they are so terrified for the first dance. Don’t let your day be dictated by others and stick to your guns.
pop home for a cuddle with your floofs
I’ve had an influx of clients including their pets in their weddings this year and I can’t tell you how much I love it! I know when I am most anxious, cuddling my cat makes everything feel more manageable. Sometimes that looks like popping home for a floof snuggle if you live close enough to your ceremony (and of course if it’s cats or guinea pigs that aren’t allowed in) or it’s having your dog drop by to say hello and go for a walk. Not only does it make you feel less anxious, it makes for great photo ops too.
Enjoyed this read? Check out some more of ‘Nine Ways’ series, such as Nine Ways to have a Feminist Wedding and Nine Ways to have Neurodivergent Friendly Wedding - and let me know what you think!